Know that it takes one thousand days to detox
and my weekly trip to the winery is unavoidable.
Know that big heads run in my family,
that a baby’s head makes up 25 percent of its length,
that Einstein’s brain was 15 percent wider than normal
and you would be smarter than Einstein.
Know that Americans are over-eaters,
that you’d probably be obese because
my cat is obese, and because I eat when I’m upset.

Know that aliens like to abduct babies at night,
that I sleep with the windows open,
that aliens run in my family,
that girls have faster heartbeats, boys blink less,
that unlike other humans, identical twins
have the same exact scent, that babies are born
with 100 extra bones, and I can’t decide
which one of those facts freaks me out more.

Know that people live better without food
than sleep, that babies don’t understand
the concept of night and day, that I must go to bed
by 8 o’clock or I’m no good, that high levels of testosterone
make you feel pleasure from inflicting pain,
that testosterone runs in my family.
Know that anger increases people’s desire
to possess things, and I can barely share
a bottle of wine, that I’ve been known
to hide the wine before company arrives.

Know that having you would eat at least 20 percent
of my salary, that by not having you, I can avoid the wage gap,
and though people see my empty womb as proof of lesbianism,
or alienism, I’m okay with that. Know that you’d be able to
hear my voice in the womb, and I can’t sing worth a damn.
Know that if you died, hearing would be your last sense to go.
That if the heart stops before the brain, you might still
hear me guessing your name.

(previously published in Skin Splitting, 2017)